Terrified Dad

I thoroughly enjoy being a Dad. I relish the roller coaster ride of parenthood and do my best to embrace and enjoy every new challenge. And, as I am constantly finding out, there are plenty of new challenges on an almost daily basis.

My ten month old son is now mobile. He can crawl at speeds of up to 35mph on a flat surface and will suddenly appear right beside me as if from nowhere. I am overjoyed at this in one way, as he is no longer a helpless baby but turning into a small boy, full of mischief, charm and adventure.

In another way his mobility terrifies me as he will scuttle rapidly out the bedroom, across the hallway and loom precariously at the top of the stairs, threatening to take a header all the way to the bottom. This would not be a good thing.

However, there is one change I am not enjoying. One change that I really can’t stand or stomach and that is what is currently going on in the bottom department. My child has gone from passing small, innocuous stools to having a bottom of mass destruction!

This tiny being is capable of producing poo that would rival the best any grown man could produce after a night out on curry and beer. This is no longer tiny baby poo. This is exactly like you or I going to the toilet in a nappy – and he is capable of doing this up to four times a day. The boy must be like a bloody Tardis inside!

My partner Becky and I now have full blown arguments over changing his nappy. Either that or we attempt to bargain our way out of changing Noah’s nappies. To this end I currently owe Becky slightly over twelve thousand pounds in nappy bribes!

If my son ate these he may launch himself into space!