… but by night I am quite, quite homicidal.
January 5, 2010
Why is it that only those that you love the most can drive you right to the very edge of your sanity?
Strangers I really could not care a jot about. Cut me up in traffic and I am the kind of person who takes it in his stride. Get bad customer service in a shop and I am pretty forgiving, rationalising that I do not envy these people their roles so I can kind of see why they get stroppy.
I can even tolerate traffic wardens and, worse still, estate agents. It’s not their fault they are not God’s chosen people.
Throughout all these trials and tribulations I am calm, serene, even laid back. I forgive people for all that they do not know. My real crazed, homicidal, irrational emotions I save for the two people I love most in the world – my partner and my son, both of whom have the innate ability to make me want to… well, it’s probably best not to say in this current climate. I may get put away for thought crime!
After nine months of broken sleep and my tiny son headbutting me like a professional Glaswegian I think I finally know what it is like to be inside the head of a crazy person!
After the better part of a year surviving on four hours sleep a night, finding that all my clothes have either cheese puffs, milk stains or yoghurt mashed into them and going out socially with my partner just four times during this period I could now give Ted Bundy a run for his money, as far as homicidal tendencies are concerned.
Somewhere between two thirty and four thirty in the morning the transformation takes place from mild mannered father to Velociraptor Dad. I am mad, bad, dangerous and utterly and completely irrational. I would sell my only child for just a few hours more sleep and anything that my partner Becky says to me translates in my mind as tantamount to asking for a fight.
When will my life return to ‘normal’? When will my child allow me to sleep undisturbed through the night? How much does it cost to rent a one bedroom flat or suitably insulate my garden shed?
These are the questions making my world turn in 2010!
If you do not go to sleep immediately I will eat you!!!
